Simplicity

Come what may


"I don't mean to suggest, that I love you the best."

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5/22/13

Well I’m back. Hey. Hi. Hello. What’s happening?

Actually don’t tell me, I already know. I am so tired of people…  I was going to be more specific, but then I thought, why should I. I am tired of people in general. I have allowed people to have their way, and treat me however they please but I just won’t put up with that anymore. I don’t care what circumstances I am under. My job… well I mean hey, it is a job, I really can’t complain. It isn’t very difficult, and they pay rate is great. It is the people there who make me dread my shifts. I love the majority of my co-workers, they are vibrant, energetic, and caring. Then there are others… One of my co-workers, (who by the way, is just a Team Member such as myself) sees fit to critique every single thing I do. Things that have no effect on him, or my duties. He is rude and I am just waiting for the next time he says something because I will simply state that is is NOT in my job description to please him. 

What else do I even want to talk about?

As for school, I blew it this semester. I took on way to many responsibilities but I think I have learned my lesson, trying to run a club while simultaneously attempting to attain a permanent Honor Society membership alongside 4 classes (one of which was online), was not one of my brightest ideas. I don’t think my parents understand just how much was required of me, but at the same time, I know I could have done it if I had (for once) used my potential. So, yeah, definitely a bust. 

On a side note, I can’t save money for shit.

So who is the new boy?

Well there isn’t one. After being stood up on my first actual date, I think I am done with dating younger. Boys are already immature enough and I don’t have time for the added stress of dealing with that. It’s hard enough to find someone with brains, let alone someone who isn’t ashamed to admit they have them. HICKEYS HUH? Yeah okay, we all know what that means… Yes, I hooked up with Michael again… All I can say is oops. I honestly don’t know how I feel about him. At times I miss everything we had, and think about how cute we could be together (again). Other times, I think of all the reasons it won’t work out, and it just seems to outweigh the good. I need the type of guy who can match me intellectually. Someone who isn’t afraid to sing terrible songs at the top of their lungs with me while we drive together. How does Michael feel about it though? What does he expect from me? It’s not fair for me to play with him, is it selfish of me to stillbe unsure of how I feel? Part of me feels like it is, but what can I do? I am just so unsure. 

I guess that is all for now, until next time.

I promise I’ll update more.

1 day ago with 0 notes

Honestly one of the worst days I have had in awhile, thank god for my friends for keeping me busy. I thought I would have been in bed crying all day, but they reminded me that I am stronger than that. I won’t be that broken hearted boy.

6 days ago with 0 notes

2/19/13

I am feeling confident about my interview :)

3 months ago with 0 notes

2/11/13

I have always wanted someone who would take care of me. Someone who would work so I didn’t have too. I see how selfish that is. I also now know first hand how unrealistic that is. I don’t want to have to rely on anyone. I want to make my own money. I want to go to school. I want to be involved. To do all this I have to begin to take initiative, and in the first 3 weeks of school I have begun to do this. Hard work really does come with a reward. Honor Society, GSA, ICC, etc. I have fit so much extra stuff in because I want to take control of my life. I want to be able to pick a school I want to study at, and not be held back by my grades or achievements. This is such a scattered post but the point of it is. I am doing so much better than I was a year, or even a semester ago. I am not going to let my fear get in the way of my decisions anymore. If I know something or someone is wrong for me, I am going to take care of it.

3 months ago with 0 notes

2/2/13

Now I am exactly where I want to be. I have put it all together and I know what I have to do to achieve what I want. In the first week of this semester I have already taken over my college’s GSA club as President, become an ICC Representative, and have been asked to join the Honor Society. Basically what all this means is more opportunities and access to scholarships. I also am able to take the classes I want, at the times I want. I never begin class before 12:30, and the latest I stay in class is until 3:30. I was able to skip English 1B and move forward to 1C which was a great choice because the topics we are covering are actually interesting. Things like teen fitsporation blogs, body image, tattoo’s, and weight discrimination. I am also taking a Cross-Cultural Perspectives class and it is already my favorite from just one class. Other than that I have U.S. History & Geography, so nothing too bad. I really think it is going to be a good semester, and I think I even may have found my major.

3 months ago with 0 notes

Good grades, okay health, a boyfriend, and I still feel like I am missing something…

5 months ago with 0 notes

11/5/12

Stuck with memories of the past, and thoughts for the future. I will be okay. Somehow.

6 months ago with 0 notes

10/14/12

I don’t like how the only thing I have in my life is school. Even that isn’t really “something”. So many of my friends have dreams and ambitions and things they are passionate about, and then there is me. There has to be something out there for me, and I know how stupid that sounds but I am hoping so much that it is true. I don’t want to be a robot that goes to school, gets a desk job, returns to an empty home, and repeats. I don’t want to be dramatic. I have it good. At what cost though, something is wrong with me.

7 months ago with 0 notes

10/11/12

Everything I do is wrong. I’ll be honest with myself, I mess up a lot, and this is not about you. Yeah so your constant critique has made me realize I need to change. I just want to make it clear that it is not for you. It is for me. I need to make this change because it’s time I took control of my life. It’s time I took initiative, and it is time I stopped letting my insecurities get the best of me. I have missed for too many opportunities and this is where I draw the line. 

7 months ago with 2 notes

9/17/12

I can’t take this anymore. I have just been sitting here crying all morning. I just can’t take it. I am sick of friends lying. I am sick of the heart break. I sick of being told about all this potential I have because I just don’t see it. I am so mad at myself for not being the person everyone wishes I was. 

8 months ago with 0 notes

9/9/12

I stay to myself because I don’t want to get hurt. Well I happen to get hurt anyways. I want to be myself and I don’t want to have to stay in my shell. I want to be out there, and I want to be out there with my friends. I am going to get hurt anyways, so why not have some fun.

8 months ago with 0 notes

9/2/12

College is nice. My classes are exactly what I wanted. However that is education… Socially, life is going well too. I mean I am still horrible at talking to people and relationship wise I am…. uhhh ‘retarded’ for lack of a better word. He is just so cute and I wish I could be with him all the time…

8 months ago with 1 note

8/26/12

So tomorrow is my first day of college! While this past week has been full of different emotions, both positive, and negative, I am ready to move on. I have my education, as well as a new special someone to worry about. I am so excited for this week. I can’t believe I got asked to that party. The guy too… absolutely stunning! His smile has no comparison. The age difference means little to me. I am just really excited for everything that is coming. 

8 months ago with 0 notes

8/19/12

I waited too long, I said too little, I spoke too fast.

9 months ago with 0 notes

8/17/12

Things that I am worried/scared about

  • A relationship
  • College
  • COLLEGE
  • College!
  • A relationship
  • A relationship
  • My job
  • My ID picture
  • Where my life is headed
  • What is wrong with me
  • A RELATIONSHIP
  • Not being good enough.

9 months ago with 1 note